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Movies that SHOULD be Porn Parodies

By Bobbi Starr
28 November 2011 3,387 views 6 Comments

While some movies just aren’t parody material, some are just screaming for the sort of low-budget, tits and ass treatment that an X-rated “parody” could give. This list is about movies that could stand to have some sex, or would just be better remade as a porn movie.

(Note that the word “parody” in this list is used in the same loose interpretation that some producers in the X-rated business seem to have. While “parody” means an imitation of a story told in a comedic way, there’s been more than a few of these remakes that were just plain imitations with sex.)

10. “Megashark vs. Giant Octopus” — It’s ok. We’ve all be up at three in morning and realized there was nothing to watch, except for paid commercial announcements and reruns of “Law & Order.” But those who are fans of truly bad movies and who suffer from chronic insomnia know that ScyFy (previously the SciFi Channel) is the go-to place for movies that would make Ed Wood cringe. “Megashark vs. Giant Octopus” is the “Citizen Kane” of bad action movies starring former ’80s pop star Debbie (now Deborah) Gibson. From the bad CGI to the wooden acting, it’s one of those rare movies where a porno treatment couldn’t be any worse than the original and may, in fact, be even better.

9. “The Room” — If you haven’t heard of this flick, congratulations. You’ve lived a very sheltered life. If you have, you’re either a masochist or a fan of very bad cinema (though more than likely those two traits are one in the same). Often hailed as one of the worst movies made, “The Room” suffers from bad dialogue, worse delivery and cast changes mid-picture. There’s even sex scenes in the movie, so translating this into a porn feature wouldn’t be too difficult. One thing that will be a problem to potential X-rated leading men for this remake: the impossible to place accent of Tommy Wiseau.

8. “American Psycho” — One of Christian Bale’s pre-”Dark Knight” movies, “American Psycho” is, as you’d expect, about a serial killer. The twist? The serial killer is a narcissistic yuppie who debates with his fellow urban professionals the merits of bone vs. eggshell for a business card. I’m serious. Bale’s psycho killer also gives long monologues about Whitney Houston (and, if you read the book, Huey Lewis and the News and other top 40 musicians). Finding shallow men in the adult business isn’t that hard and change serial killer with, say, serial masturbator and you know what you have? Damn good porno.

7. “Battlefield: Earth” — Also known as John Travolta’s ode to Scientology that no one watched, a porno remake of the movie would be interesting on several levels. Could a movie be made with an even more convoluted plot than the original? We all know Scientologists run Hollywood, but if someone were to remake one of their sacred books into a porn parody, would they shut it down? Finally, is there any way that even sex could salvage this stinker of a movie?

6. “Cool as Ice” — Hey kids, do you remember the ’80s? Most of the girls working in the business probably can’t. It’s for the best, as they could probably be sold that this Vanilla Ice (feel free to snicker) vehicle is a period piece. For those of you who’ve never had the pleasure of this particular form of Geneva Convention-violating torture, Vanilla Ice is a bad boy, trying to date a rich girl. And that’s about it. The promise of sex would be a welcome addition to this very bad flick.

5. “Hostel” — American college students go away to Europe on vacation, where they stumble onto a small village where people sell tourists to richer tourists who get their kicks off of killing people slowly and painfully. While not a bad movie if you’re into the torture porn thing, a real porn remake of this movie would be easy. While most producers are squeamish about anyone dying on screen, changing the plot to, say, college students being turned into prostitutes. Come to think of it, the porno version has the possibility of being as disturbing as the original.

4. “Justin Bieber: Never Say Never” — A younger-looking 18 year old, with no talent, has a strange way of infatuating women in their 20s despite looking like a teenaged lesbian. I doubt that any straight men would want to watch a porno dramatization of Justin Bieber, but I do think that a gay parody would work. Think about it — Justin, played by a twink, eschews the shallow female weirdos who listen to his music (and who have no taste in music) that only want to be inseminated by him, and instead finds solace in the arms of his tour roadies. I’m not really into gay porn, but I would want to watch some Justin Bieber lookalike hatefucked by some leather-wearing, cigar-smoking bear.

3. “Hellraiser” — Just to get this straight, I love “Hellraiser.” It’s a great movie that goes above and beyond the usual slasher fare that was coming out at about the same time in the ’80s. More than anything else, it was about beings who transcended pleasure into pain and any human stupid enough to stumble upon them would become their new playthings for their perversions. See where I’m going? Granted, a lot of the themes in “Hellraiser” are of a strong bondage and BDSM bent, but between the leather aprons the cenobites seem to keen on wearing and Pinhead saying, “We have forever to know you flesh,” the possibilities boggle the mind.

2. “Showgirls” — A movie about strippers in Las Vegas. Seriously, how could this “parody” not have been made yet? It’s so obvious that I can’t add anything more.

1. “Satan’s Cheerleaders” — Yes, this was a real movie. It was made in the ’70s and can be seen on late night cable (on occasion). If a movie’s on at 3 a.m., it has to be good, right? In a nutshell, the movie’s about a cheerleading squad scouted by a school janitor as sacrifices for devil worshippers. (What else did you expect a movie called “Satan’s Cheerleaders” to be about?)  This movie has everything that could be expanded on by the right director. Cheerleaders. A shower scene. The playful proposition of a threeway. It’s AVN gold for the right company!

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  • http://twitter.com/michaelfromuk Mike Flint

    I have to admit that I only ‘came across’ Bobbi Starr when I happened upon the Scooby Doo parody. In my opinion, the best XXX parody out there, as the actors actually tried to act like who they were parodying; and the story was straight from the cartoons. Fun all around. Apart from the obvious ‘concerns’ … but don’t worry, there’s no ‘Scoob’ in sight (although surely a man in a costume wouldn’t have been a problem).  A follow-up with more Velma is required ;)

  • Daniel

    If one were to write a screenplay for an Adult Film Parody, to whom would they send their script? My idea is original & relevant, especially in terms of the illegal piracy of adult films & erotica.

    Perhaps I won’t receive a response, though I thought my posting on here would be a prudent move. After all, I seek only to prove the sincerity & validity of my inquiry, as I neither know people in the Adult Film industry, nor am I familiar with this process.

    Good day.

  • http://twitter.com/gwestdallas Gerald Flowers

    I think the Beiber thing as a Strap On GangBang would Rule! i would laugh my ass off watching that. And a Hellraiser parody could win an award.

  • http://twitter.com/ElohimUgarit PG King

    What about the movie called “The Thing”. That would be a great porn parody movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000874117111 Gregory Dittman

    There is a Justin Bieber parody from a gay website, Showgirls is already porn with a NC-17 rating and Hellraiser is based on a BDSM book.

    Porn spoofs:
    Dungeons and Dragons the movie. Kimberly Kane might do it for free and
    Satine Phoenix might get back into porn for that one.

    Faster Pussycat Kill Kill maybe with Tori Black, Lexi Belle and Asa Akira

    Dogma 2, more of a practical joke than a spoof.  The original Dogma was a beastiality film between a  dog and Linda Lovelace.  In this joke, Belladonna tries to get shelters to supply dogs for an interspecies gang bang, big named porn stars to act in the film, permits in conservative cities and a production deal with PETA’s new X-rated site.

    QI, (Quite Interesting) it’s a BBC show where mostly comedians and sometimes guests try to answer questions.  Just switch it to porn stars for a web series.

    Gilligan’s Island movie with The Harlem Globetrotters.  It just screams interacial gang bang.

    Blazzing Saddles, in this parody a show girl has to get the job and prove her worth as the new sheriff.

  • http://twitter.com/TJMoose75 Jon Meyer

    I know this is late but I will admit that at one time in my younger years I was a Vanilla Ice fan and I actually liked “Cool as Ice”. As far as cheesy b movies go it was entertaining. But I could see a porn version starring James Deen as the Vanilla Ice character would be interesting.