Being made an Evil Angel director was something I never could have imagined — as the saying goes, I wished and hoped, but never imagined. Since I now have a movie to my credit under the Evil Empire’s brand that’s released, I suppose now it’s more than official. It’s bona fide.
In a dorm room, another lifetime ago, I was introduced to the movies of Evil Angel. I thought it would be amazing to meet the talent and directors of the movies I watched, like Belladonna and Rocco Siffredi, but I always imagine I’d be like most people on the outside looking in.
Back then, I was a music student studying to be a concert oboe player. Playing in a classical ensemble was something that didn’t seem so much as a goal as it was a preordained milestone in my life I was going to hit. I’d spent my high school years playing the oboe in a symphony and the marching band. (Did you know God shortens your penis by an inch each time you make fun of someone in the band? It’s true.) When it came to deciding what I was going to do with my life — because 18 is the perfect age to make life-changing decisions — it came down to premed or music school. Music school won out.
When you’re in music school, particularly for classical music, it’s not so much as something to do for four years like a degree in psychology, as it is an investment. Actually, it’s more than that. It’s a commitment. You fly to music festivals all over the world on your own dime. You pay top dollar for your instrument because, like a mechanic who makes his living from having the right set of tools, you make your money by how well you sound.
I’m not going to say I was a prude in music school. I had boyfriends, I had sex, and I knew about porn. We had internet connections in our dorms, just like everyone else. It’s just that when you’re as focused as I was, nothing enters your head but practicing for your next exam.
Toward the end of my time in music school, when my goal seemed to be in sight and within my grasp, I met my boyfriend who would change everything. He introduced me to porn, yes, Evil Angel movies included. He also moonlighted at Kink.com performing in scenes.
This got my interest. Porn was new. Porn was something I found interesting and it had nothing to do with dead European composers, 4:4 time or what octave range I was playing in. It was something I genuinely enjoyed and aroused my sense of curiosity. I realized then how long it was since I’d actually enjoyed doing something or felt that joy of discovering something new.
It wasn’t long before I had my diploma in hand…and packed my car and moved to Los Angeles. Not to join the LA Philharmonic, but to find my fame and maybe my fortune in the Valley. I had a short list of companies I wanted to shoot for. I had no idea how long I was going be in the porn industry. Hell, I didn’t even know how well I’d do especially considering I didn’t fit the blonde, fake-tittied mold that seemed to be the first image people had of a porn star.
But I did well. And I shot for Evil Angel. And I shot for them again. I became friends with Belladonna, the same person who’d bowled me over all those months ago on my old boyfriend’s TV. I was doing what I’d come out to LA to do, and being accepted by Belladonna and Evil Angel was a big part of this success.
I found that I was a great performer and I found myself busy with work. In fact, I appeared with Rocco Siffredi in his comeback movie, “Rocco Ravishes L.A.” Doing a scene with Rocco was officially scratched off my list of things to do. I wanted to do more and found that my creative itch was in directing my own scenes. I learned as much as I could from directors that I admired who were, coincidentally enough, mostly Evil Angel directors.
Angling for a directing deal with a company is a tricky thing. The San Fernando Valley is like Hollywood in the sense that everyone wants to direct, especially the talent. Production companies are not for want of directors, especially if they’re culling them from their talent pool.
Part of the game is seeming interested, but not too interested. It’s not unlike angling for a date with someone you really, really, are into. At this point it should come as no surprise that I was really, really into Evil Angel.
I made overtures. I made inquiries. I didn’t know if it was going anywhere, but it didn’t really matter. I had to try, at the very least. But something strange happened. Something I thought was improbable. John Stagliano, aka Buttman, aka the guy who owns Evil Angel, showed an interest in what I showed him.
I made things official with them not long after that.
I can’t help but think that sometimes, things work in a circle and they bring you back to where you began. But although it works out in a cyclical pattern, it’s never exactly the same. There’s new things to learn and new curiosities to satisfy.
Evil Angel is where I began my career in adult and now, it’s where I begin the next phase of my career.