Like the Cobra Kai, porn is no place for the weak. There’s no mercy and it’s not for those with a weak will.

I’m not just talking about anal pile driver scenes, producers who stiff your scenes or awards shows consistently overlooking you after year. No, I’m talking about walking the emotional tightrope that is body type, which make many porn stars emotional basket cases.

Consider that some men like women who look like they just graduated from high school — or, let’s be honest, still look like they’re still in high school. Still others make their name with a waif-like, supermodel body that, to be fair, looks a little anorexic. Some girls  make their name off their voluptuous, curvy bodies that look more like something out of a ’50s pinup. Finally, there’s those with the best body and face that a plastic surgeon and a spray-on technology can offer.

I’m not belittling any of those kinds of women. If everyone liked the same thing, well, it wouldn’t be America, it would be North Korea. There’s few jobs that are also an identity. Porn star is one of them. But for many women dealing with body image is tough to begin with, but in porn, it’s not just your job that becomes an identity, but your body as well.

I can’t speak for other women, but my trick to not being too neurotic about all of this is being not dwelling on my body image. If I’m aware not to internalize it, I don’t internalize it and I won’t worry if my body is “good enough.” I’m also very lucky that my audience seems to like me and how I look.

That’s not to say I’ve reached some sort of body type nirvana. I have the same thoughts as any other girl who looks in the mirror. Are my boobs big enough? Could my ass be a little more bubbly? Is that a pooch on my stomach? After some soul searching, I always come back to the same conclusions — I’m not going under the knife to change myself and I like food. I mean, I like food a lot.

I think the anxiety a lot of women feel from being in front of the camera comes from never being in a position where they’re the focus of attention. As a former oboist, I’m used to having the spotlight on me, whether I want it or not. The oboe is one of the most important instruments in the orchestra. The audience will know if I’ve made a mistake or I’m just off.

In fact, I feel much less pressure doing porn. There’s usually just a small crew when I shoot. I don’t see my audience. When I do see them at conventions it’s just a fraction of the whole. However, the the audience is right in front of you when you play the oboe. They are all watching you perform.

So my advice to new girls entering the business who may have some anxiety over their appearance? Learn to play the oboe and play it in a symphony before getting into porn.

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